L'shana Tova!
Thank you Rabbi Marshall and everyone here for the honor of speaking to you this Rosh Hashanah. As this is the first time I have ever given a D'var Torah I would like to take a moment to say a Shehecheyanu.
Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha'olam shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu v'higyanu lazman hazeh
Thank you all for allowing me this moment
I love the Shehechiyanu. I love the idea of a blessing for every fresh, new experience.
It is recognizing that something important, something life changing is occurring right at this moment and that I am here, fully awake and alive in the experience of it.
There are, of course, life changing experiences for which we don't say a Shehecheyanu.
There are many, many sad and stressful life events that we don't feel thankful for in the moment.
Just about two years ago, I lost a young friend in his twenties to liver failure. I had just come from a mindfulness class at the UW and was in the room playing my guitar and singing for him and his family when the Dr came in and told us there was no more that medicine could do for him but keep him comfortable, and that plans needed to be made as to whether he wanted to die in the hospital or at home.
When the Dr left, the best way I can describe how it felt was like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. We had been punched in the collective stomach
and no one could catch their breath.
When I got home that night, I wrote a poem about the experience. I'd like to read for you now.
It is called Just Breathe.
Just breathe.
It is the first thing we do when born,
It is our last act before dying.
Scripture teaches that Breath makes us more than just so much dirt.
So when you lose direction,
When you feel overwhelmed,
When you lose hope,
When you seek the meaning of Life,
Or will of God,
Do what you were made to do.
Just breathe.
My friend passed away in the hospital less than 30 hours later...
Just breathe...
It is the first thing we do when born...
the last act of living before dying
Just... breathe...
You can't say a Shehecheyanu for that.
You can't really say anything at all and be legitimately sincere to the moment. The only thing you can do, that you should do... Honor that moment and breathe.
The High Holidays are a time when we Jews introspect and soul search. It is the time of year when we meditate on the meaning of our lives both as individuals and as a people.
Will we survive? Are we deserving of life? Have we lived up to our responsibility to this world and it's inhabitants?
The High Holiday themes of Teshuvah and Tefillah capture this soul searching, this quest to find our authentic breath in the moment.
By the way, did you know the word 'Repentance' in Hebrew is actually not teshuvah but charatah? Charatah implies remorse about past events and an intention to behave totally different in the future. But teshuvah means "returning" to one's original nature.
Teshuvah is a return to the self. It’s not concerned about the past or future, but what it means to be authentic and loving in the here and now.
Did you know "prayer" in Hebrew is not tefillah but bakashah? Bakashah means to pray, request, beseech. To vocalize our desire for G-d to do something for us.
But if Bakashah is our asking for favor from the Divine, then tefillah is when we close our mouths and actively listen for that Still, Small Voice.
Tefillah is to draw nearer to G-d by paying attention.
and actively listening.
So, Teshuvah and Tefillah isn't “repentance and prayer”, but “returning and drawing nearer”.
Isn’t that nice? It is being present and listening. Great! So how is it done? I would like to suggest something that most of you are doing already....
Just
breathe.
In the Genesis story of Bereshit we read about the creation of human beings.. What was the ingredient that made human beings different than all of the rest of creation?
Breath.
In Hebrew, the word for breath is Neshimah. This word for breath, this neshimah comes from the same root as the word Neshamah which means life-force, spirit and soul.
What makes us different, not better or worse than, but different from the rest of creation?
The spirit of G-d that was breathed into us and gave us our first collective human inspiration.
We BREATHED.
We lived.
We became spiritual beings made from neshimah.
We breathed our first breath as we were transformed into something new and we, present in that very first moment had a basic awareness that something special was occurring.
Now that would be a great occasion for a Shehecheyanu.
Now for the hard part. Given free run, our mind likes to label and categorize everything
as either good or evil, desired or to be avoided.But if we stay focused on our breathing
the worries, regrets, and reruns of past events can’t develop and thrive. All that internal monologue about an imagined past or future is silenced. We pay attention to now....
“This is my experience while inhaling.”
“This is what it feels like to exhale.”
This is mindful breathing.
With it we stay present.
Right here... Right now...
It is only this moment in time that really exists. Everything else is only a fabrication of mind.
So how does breath, staying present apply to Teshuvah and Tefillah? How can we connect it to returning and drawing near? Moses’ dialogue with the Divine offers us an answer.
So, Moses the shepherd is out in the wilderness listening to a bush with a plan.
Maybe I’m paraphrasing a bit.
Moses asks who he should say spoke to him. The answer is "Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh".
"I will be as I will be".
Rabbi Alan Lew (of Blessed Memory) teaches that
“The verb “ehiyeh” is a very strange verb in Hebrew, a rendering of the verb "to be"... "
What G-d seems to be saying to Moses here is, "My name -my essential nature- is absolute and unconditioned being in the present moment…
"It is one of the peculiarities of the Hebrew language that there is no way of expressing the verb "to be" in the present tense, except for the name of G-d. If we want to say "I am tall" in Hebrew, we can really only say "I tall." G-d is the only am what am. ...G-d is the only thing that can be absolutely present.
It takes several hundredths of a second for our nervous system to process our experience.
So we are not really seeing our life as it happens, but rather a movie of what just happened to us several hundredths of a second ago. (Be Still and Get Going pg 37)
So... When we are in the moment, just breathing, experiencing what is happening with no future or past stories, no judgment about it, we aren't even really in the moment. That place is reserved for G-d alone. But by mindfully paying attention to our breath, to each new and fresh experience, we draw nearer to the Holy. We cannot be exactly where G-d is, when G-d is, but with mindful breathing, we can get closer.
This is Tefillah.
This is "drawing nearer".
Paying attention to our breath, -breathing mindfully- brings us into closer relationship with the Divine Experience.
But what happens when our minds wander? Minds wander, minds think. It is ok, this is the nature of the mind: to think thoughts, label things, and judge between what is desired and what is to be avoided. We can't get discouraged because our mind does what it was made to do. What we can do when we are trying to stay mindfully present and the mind wanders is to gently bring ourselves back to the breath. With mindful breathing, we can realize that our mind has left the breath. Then gently, with the affection we’d show to a child who has become distracted, we can bring our attention back to the breath. When thinking occurs, return to the breath, thinking occurs, return to the breath.
return... return... return...
If we stay with this kind of practice long enough, we may find that our mind wanders less frequently and that we can spend longer and longer moments drawing nearer to the Divine Present Moment. We can spend more time in Tefillah.
The exercise of gently returning to the breath every time our mind wanders, returning... returning... returning...
This is Teshuvah.
In order to do Tefillah, in order to draw nearer and listen, we must practice returning to the breath and returning to the present. We must practice Teshuvah over and over again. You see, the mind wandering is actually required in order to practice mindful Teshuvah.
For those who would like to try this form of Teshuvah and Tefillah, I'd like to take just a few moments to guide us in a mindful breathing exercise. This is also something we can do at home. During the exercise I'd like to invite us to close our eyes in order to limit distractions.
Follow along, perhaps with your hands at about heart level and just... breathe.
I ask the entire community, whether you choose to join in or not, to please remain quiet until we're done...
(a few minutes guided mindful breathing)
"Sitting still in silence, we feel a sense of timelessness. Present, past and future dissolve in the eternal present, a boundless field of mind in which we feel our connection to everything and everyone in the range of our experience. This boundless, eternal realm is the realm of G-d. Approaching it, we approach God." (-Be Still and Get Going -Alan Lew, pg 46)
"Just breathe.
It is the first thing we do when born,
It is our last act before dying.
Scripture teaches that Breath makes us more than just so much dirt.
So when you lose direction,
When you feel overwhelmed,
When you lose hope,
When you seek the meaning of Life,
Or will of God,
Do what you were made to do.
Just breathe."
When you are ready, open your eyes.
Welcome to this very real and special moment!
Each one is always unique and new. Will you please join me in a Shehecheyanu?
Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha'olam shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu v'higyanu lazman hazeh
- https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Judaism/Shehecheyanu.html
Thank you all for being with me in this very special moment.
