Saturday, November 1, 2014

Self-entitlement Koan

Why do we let 
a sense of self-entitlement 
so often interfere 
with being happy?

Digital Heart-Sutra

No wisdom in this No ink, no paper, No speaking or hearing Nothing transmitted, nothing to grasp Way past emptiness.

City of Peace

If you make the land a battlefield, 
and can't even share a foundation wall, 
why would you ever expect another temple?

Monday, October 20, 2014

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The Bodhisattva and the Fish Bowl (a fishy koan)

A fish in a bowl knows only
how to be a fish
A fish in the ocean knows only 
how to be a fish
A bodhisattva vowed to free all beings 
perceives the fish
imprisoned.
Who then needs liberated,
-a fish being a fish
or a bodhisattva being
a bodhisattva?

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

No Strangers

no strangers under cherry trees
no cherry trees
only this
and we are
recognized

Tasting Tao

The taste of
this moment
can not be shared
and words can not delineate
a strawberry

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Rosh Hashanah D'var Torah 2014 -Teshuvah, Tefillah and Mindful Breathing

L'shana Tova!


Thank you Rabbi Marshall and everyone here for the honor of speaking to you this Rosh Hashanah. As this is the first time I have ever given a D'var Torah I would like to take a moment to say a Shehecheyanu.
Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha'olam shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu v'higyanu lazman hazeh
 
Thank you all for allowing me this moment
 
I love the Shehechiyanu. I love the idea of a blessing for every fresh, new experience.
It is recognizing that something important, something life changing is occurring right at this moment and that I am here, fully awake and alive in the experience of it.
There are, of course, life changing experiences for which we don't say a Shehecheyanu.
There are many, many sad and stressful life events that we don't feel thankful for in the moment.
Just about two years ago, I lost a young friend in his twenties to liver failure. I had just come from a mindfulness class at the UW and was in the room playing my guitar and singing for him and his family when the Dr came in and told us there was no more that medicine could do for him but keep him comfortable, and that plans needed to be made as to whether he wanted to die in the hospital or at home.
When the Dr left, the best way I can describe how it felt was like all of the air had been sucked out of the room. We had been punched in the collective stomach
and no one could catch their breath.
When I got home that night, I wrote a poem about the experience. I'd like to read for you now.  
It is called Just Breathe.
 
Just breathe.
It is the first thing we do when born,
It is our last act before dying.
Scripture teaches that Breath makes us more than just so much dirt.
So when you lose direction,
When you feel overwhelmed,
When you lose hope,
When you seek the meaning of Life,
Or will of God,
Do what you were made to do.
Just breathe.
 
My friend passed away in the hospital less than 30 hours later...
Just breathe...
It is the first thing we do when born...
the last act of living before dying
Just... breathe...
You can't say a Shehecheyanu for that.
You can't really say anything at all and be legitimately sincere to the moment. The only thing you can do, that you should do... Honor that moment and breathe.

The High Holidays are a time when we Jews introspect and soul search. It is the time of year when we meditate on the meaning of our lives both as individuals and as a people.
Will we survive? Are we deserving of life? Have we lived up to our responsibility to this world and it's inhabitants?
The High Holiday themes of Teshuvah and Tefillah capture this soul searching, this quest to find our authentic breath in the moment.
By the way, did you know the word  'Repentance' in Hebrew is actually not teshuvah but charatah? Charatah implies remorse about past events and an intention to behave totally different in the future. But teshuvah means "returning" to one's original nature.
Teshuvah is a return to the self. It’s not concerned about the past or future, but what it means to be authentic and loving in the here and now.
Did you know "prayer" in Hebrew is not tefillah but bakashah? Bakashah means to pray, request, beseech. To vocalize our desire for G-d to do something for us. 
But if Bakashah is our asking for favor from the Divine, then tefillah is when we close our mouths and actively listen for that Still, Small Voice.
Tefillah is to draw nearer to G-d  by paying attention.
and actively listening.
So, Teshuvah and Tefillah isn't “repentance and prayer”, but “returning and drawing nearer”.
Isn’t that nice? It is being present and listening. Great! So how is it done? I would like to suggest something that most of you are doing already....
Just
breathe.
In the Genesis story of Bereshit we read about the creation of human beings.. What was the ingredient that made human beings different than all of the rest of creation?
Breath.
In Hebrew, the word for breath is Neshimah. This word for breath, this neshimah comes from the same root as the word Neshamah which means life-force, spirit and soul.
What makes us different, not better or worse than, but different from the rest of creation?
The spirit of G-d that was breathed into us and gave us our first collective human inspiration.
We BREATHED.
We lived.
We became spiritual beings made from neshimah.
We breathed our first breath as we were transformed into something new and we, present in that very first moment had a basic awareness that something special was occurring.  
Now that would be a great occasion for a Shehecheyanu.

Now for the hard part.  Given free run, our mind likes to label and categorize everything
as either good or evil, desired or to be avoided.But if we stay focused on our breathing
the worries, regrets, and reruns of past events can’t develop and thrive. All that internal monologue about an imagined past or future is silenced. We pay attention to now....
“This is my experience while inhaling.”
“This is what it feels like to exhale.”
This is mindful breathing.
With it we stay present.
Right here... Right now...
It is only this moment in time that really exists. Everything else is only a fabrication of mind.
 
So how does breath, staying present apply to Teshuvah and Tefillah? How can we connect it to returning and drawing near? Moses’ dialogue with the Divine offers us an answer.  
So, Moses the shepherd is out in the wilderness listening to a bush with a plan.
Maybe I’m paraphrasing a bit.
Moses asks who he should say spoke to him.  The answer is "Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh".
"I will be as I will be".
Rabbi Alan Lew (of Blessed Memory) teaches that
The verb “ehiyeh” is a very strange verb in Hebrew, a rendering of the verb "to be"... "
What G-d seems to be saying to Moses here is, "My name -my essential nature- is absolute and unconditioned being in the present moment…
"It is one of the peculiarities of the Hebrew language that there is no way of expressing the verb "to be" in the present tense, except for the name of G-d. If we want to say "I am tall" in Hebrew, we can really only say "I tall." G-d is the only am what am. ...G-d is the only thing that can be absolutely present.
It takes several hundredths of a second for our nervous system to process our experience.
So we are not really seeing our life as it happens, but rather a movie of what just happened to us several hundredths of a second ago. (Be Still and Get Going pg 37)
 
So... When we are in the moment, just breathing, experiencing what is happening with no future or past stories, no judgment about it, we aren't even really in the moment. That place is reserved for G-d alone. But by mindfully paying attention to our breath, to each new and fresh experience, we draw nearer to the Holy. We cannot be exactly where G-d is, when G-d is, but with mindful breathing, we can get closer.
This is Tefillah.
This is "drawing nearer".
Paying attention to our breath, -breathing mindfully- brings us into closer relationship with the Divine Experience.
 
But what happens when our minds wander?  Minds wander, minds think. It is ok, this is the nature of the mind: to think thoughts, label things, and judge between what is desired and what is to be avoided. We can't get discouraged because our mind does what it was made to do. What we can do when we are trying to stay mindfully present and the mind wanders is to gently bring ourselves back to the breath. With mindful breathing, we can realize that our mind has left the breath. Then gently, with the affection we’d show to a child who has become distracted, we can bring our attention back to the breath. When thinking occurs, return to the breath, thinking occurs, return to the breath.
return... return... return...
If we stay with this kind of practice long enough, we may find that our mind wanders less frequently and that we can spend longer and longer moments drawing nearer to the Divine Present Moment.  We can spend more time in Tefillah.
The exercise of gently returning to the breath every time our mind wanders, returning... returning... returning...
This is Teshuvah.
In order to do Tefillah, in order to draw nearer and listen, we must practice returning to the breath and returning to the present.  We must practice Teshuvah over and over again. You see, the mind wandering is actually required  in order to practice mindful Teshuvah.
 
For those who would like to try this form of Teshuvah and Tefillah, I'd like to take just a few moments to guide us in a mindful breathing exercise. This is also  something we can do at home. During the exercise I'd like to invite us to close our eyes in order to limit distractions.  
Follow along, perhaps with your hands at  about heart level and just... breathe.
I ask the entire community, whether you choose to join in or not, to please remain quiet until we're done...
 
(a few minutes guided mindful breathing)

"Sitting still in silence, we feel a sense of timelessness. Present, past and future dissolve in the eternal present, a boundless field of mind in which we feel our connection to everything and everyone in the range of our experience. This boundless, eternal realm is the realm of G-d. Approaching it, we approach God." (-Be Still and Get Going -Alan Lew, pg 46)

"Just breathe.
It is the first thing we do when born,
It is our last act before dying.
Scripture teaches that Breath makes us more than just so much dirt.
So when you lose direction,
When you feel overwhelmed,
When you lose hope,
When you seek the meaning of Life,
Or will of God,
Do what you were made to do.
Just breathe."

When you are ready, open your eyes.
 
Welcome to this very real and special moment!
Each one is always unique and new. Will you please join me in a Shehecheyanu?
Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha'olam shehecheyanu v'kiy'manu v'higyanu lazman hazeh
- https://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/jsource/Judaism/Shehecheyanu.html

Thank you all for being with me in this very special moment.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Mindfulness Attachments

Words! Words! Words!
"Is Mindfulness en-vogue?"
"Is Mindfulness passé?"
Quit passing gas.
Just sit.
Pay attention to what happens
when words cease.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Precepts: My Understanding of Getting Drunk on a Fifth with Dead Teachers

It is intoxicating to believe you know truth.  That what I've read or been taught is always the only way of seeing something.  It seems a literal take on the precepts, particularly the fifth precept (do not take or distribute intoxicants) is one that many feel should be "taken" at face value.  To be sure,  I hardly ever drink (I have a three quarter full bottle of Jagermeister that has lived in my freezer for over ten years now) and I do not take drugs explicitly for intoxication.  But,  I reserve the right to take intoxicating medications (ie morphine, oxycodone etc) if I were to have surgery or an accident.  Likewise, I do not feel distributing intoxicating pain meds to my patients violates the precepts as to not do so would cause harm. 

We awaken to Buddha nature, we do not learn it from the words or actions of others.  Just because a teacher defines something one specific way, I am not necessarily bound to that understanding.  A true teacher is but a finger pointing to the moon.  It is the moon and not the finger we should be paying attention to.  If we follow our ancestors blindly not only are we attached to their finger (teachings), we are also guilty of dragging their corpses though the streets. 
I am reminded of a dharma story I heard though I forget from whom where a dharma center had a pet cat who would always go into the meditation hall while it was in use.  One day, the abbot tied the cat to a leash which was attached to a pole outside the meditation hall.  Years of this went by.  The abbot passed away and many practitioners came and went.  All the while, the cat was tied to the post outside (it was a very long-lived cat!).  One day the cat died.  The practitioners were so distressed!  They couldn't meditate!  They demanded the abbot find a new cat right away.  After all, how can one meditate without first tying a cat to a pole!

All of the precepts are real and important (and maybe real important).  To always be conscious of the precepts and apply them to life, moment by moment, is much more real important-er.  Don't ever say "The ancestors said thusly and therefore I will always act accordingly."  You are the ancestors, you are the teachers, you are Buddha and you are impermanent. Be awake to it.
If you say "Zen precepts are held in my right hand, there is nothing else," you have already lost zen so why then should you keep holding the precepts?
Look again, your palm is empty.
If you say "Administering drugs for medical reasons is acceptable," I ask "Is it so stated in the precepts  you accepted?"
If you still answer "Yes," I ask "Did you need to have the words on paper to know what was the right thing for you to do?"

Be awake.

Moment by moment we create, destroy and recreate the precepts.  In accepting the precepts, we accept that their current form is impermanent.  Otherwise, we can become attached to their form.  We risk becoming a potential agent of suffering to ourselves or others.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Zen Jewdhist Takes On Our Middle East Conflict

The concept of "us" and "them" has nothing to do with anything but "our" way of thinking.  When one of us threatens or kills our own, we must be heartbroken and seek to prevent further tragedy without hatred.  
When there is no Other, there is no hatred.  
It is upon us who aren't so embroiled in hatred of Other to take on the mantle of echad (non-dual) thinking first.  We cannot wait for Other to reach out.  All casualties must become our casualties, all losses our losses if anything is ever to change.    
We need to be our own meshiach individually and collectively.  

 -off da soap box bimah.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Song of Teshuva (a Meditation Metaphor)

The child sitting on the Rebbe's knee
runs off to make faces
in a mirror.
The bearded sage smiles,
gently calls him back, 
and enfolding him
in a warm embrace, sings
the soul's niggun.

-In memory of Reb Zalman, z"l.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Only Like This



Inhale, "Renewed."
Exhale, "Reclaimed."
Breath like Body.
Body like Mind.
Mind like Breath.
Only like This.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

The Zen Jewdhist Dichotomy Rears It's Head

I used my lunch break to sit in meditation with a Buddhist patient unable to sit for himself by request of his wife.  This was a new experience for me and I'm still processing it.  I found while sitting in this man's darkened room at two AM while he and his wife slept that I still find dichotomy in my Zen Jewdhist path.  My internal monologue (which was more of a dialogue) went something like this:

"So... you're still a Jew, right?"
 
"Yes."

"But you're sitting here in meditation for a Buddhist."

"Yes, I know that. I was there when I said I would do it."

"Does it bother you that you told this Buddhist man's Buddhist wife that you practice Zen and now you're sitting doing Buddhist meditation for him?"

"Not as much as it seems to be bothering you.  And what's with all this Buddhist labeling anyway?  I thought we'd gotten past all this and had agreed that if there is no place where G-d isn't and G-d is present everywhere and in everything like the Chassidic masters claimed then, so long as we recognize HaShem in others, ourselves, our actions and deeds we can never be too far off the derech.  Remember?"

"I remember, I remember.  Would you knock it off with all the Jewishy words already? Who are you trying to impress Mr. 'Ger Bodhi-Tzaddik'?"

"Wha?"

"The point is, when you're talking to me you get all Jewishy, when you're talking to Dude's wife you sound all Buddhisty.  Who are you?"

"Now who's sounding all Zen?"

"And what about all that HaShem and God with no vowel stuff?  Buddhism is non-theistic, and Judaism is mono-theistic.  Have you figured out how to make that work, Hot-Shot?"

""Hot-Shot? Who says that?' Look, remember? Ayn Od, Ayn Sof, all Truth is Truth, all not-Truth is still truth, G-d is Everything. G-d is One, G-d is nothing... "

"Yeah, 'ALL ONE or NONE,' I read the Dr. Bronner's bottle too. Face it, you aren't even sure if G-d exists."

"I know that there is something that unites everything together.  What do call that I don't really know.  It isn't really that important is it?  That I know what to call that which I sense to be beyond myself but that is a part of every living and non-living thing in the universe and beyond?  That which can never be known but only sensed?  Maybe it's G-d or maybe it's only my imagination.  Sitting in the dark in the middle of the night in a room that smells like kaka and listening to this patient's wife snoring, does it really matter if there is a Hebraic G-d or if this Great Mystery is only in my head?"

"If there is no God, why are you sitting here?"

"I didn't say there was no G-d...  I'm sitting here because it brings comfort to this patient and his wife... Even if they're snoring ...and can't tell I'm here 'cause they're asleep... or something like that... Look, this is supposed to be meditation.  Can I get on with it please?
 ...Here... Now... Just This... Breathing... One... Two..."

"Did we ever resolve this???"

"Shh... Just be present right now.  That's all. Let the Infinite take care of itself."

"Ok...
...Is this prayer? What we're doing?"

"Shhh... that's a subject for another time.  Let's just be here in support of this family...
...Here... Now..."

"Here... Now..."

 

Thay Drinks Clouds Again

Ocean,
humidity, 
clouds, 
snow, 
mountain stream, 
river: 
always water.  
Others choose to label it this 
or that. 
It is always 
just itself. 

Differences

Differences between you
and I
are like differences between two waves.  
Look deeper 
see 
we are the same ocean.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Warning!

outdoor meditation leads
to funky tan lines.

It's My Fault

if i find someone else's fault
it's really mine
i found it
finders keepers
i own it
i can learn from it
without hurting
anyone else with it
let it go

It is Accepted -A Mindfulness Meditation

Take one slow deep breath.
While inhaling ask yourself:
What are you smelling?
What are you tasting?
What are you thinking?
While exhaling ask yourself:
What do you feel?
What do you hear? 
What do you see?
In the pause between exhaling and inhaling  tell yourself:
"It is accepted."

What is Love?

Only acceptance.
All expectations and "if"
conditions fall short.

Ego Trippin'

"I" can never be in the moment.
It takes time
to think oneself
to the center of the universe.

Limitations -Exodus 33:23

with organic
senses
chemical
and electric
transmitters
a zen jewdhist knows
being absolutely in the moment is not possible
but through mindfulness
drawing near the
I Am
presence absolutely is

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Bereshit: a meditation

no body.
no mind.
only breath-
a sourceless breeze
across vast emptiness.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Mikvah

At the beginning
enwombed in
a cosmos of living water I
look up
primordial dark surface moves
then breaching
there is light

Shehekhianu

Monday, March 31, 2014

Attached

If I show favoritism
to any thing,
any person,
any place,
I am run the risk of becoming attached to it
and miserable
if deprived of these things.
If I eschew
all people,
all places,
all things
to prevent favoritism,
I am attached to avoidance of pain and loss.
My I is a paradox

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Time Out! Time Out!

Time out! Time Out!
The hourglass is broken
Sand slides across the game board surface
And stops
Does not pass "go"

(a variation on "Shabbat")

Practice

Only now.
And not even that.
Start over.